The Fastest Way to Exhaust Yourself Is Making Everything Mean Something About You

I think one of the most exhausting habits women carry into business is our tendency to turn every outcome into information about ourselves.

Something goes well, and we're relieved. Something doesn't work, and we immediately start questioning our worth. We don't just experience what happened…we personalize it, and often turn it into evidence that we're somehow getting it wrong.

The longer I work with women entrepreneurs, the more convinced I become that most of our exhaustion comes from what we make things mean about ourselves.

The Moment That Reveals Everything

A client of mine had someone say yes, sign the paperwork, and then back out at the last minute. She was disappointed, of course, but what struck me most was how quickly the conversation turned to her. Within minutes, she was looking for clues and trying to determine what she'd done wrong.

Did I say too much? Was my pricing off? Did I miss something?

I wasn't surprised by her disappointment. I was struck by how quickly she became the suspect in her own story.

When Outcomes Become Identity

Someone disappears after what felt like a promising conversation, and we assume we're bad at sales. A proposal goes unanswered, and we wonder if we're charging too much. An opportunity falls through, and we treat it like evidence that we've somehow lost our edge.

What's interesting is that the event itself is often fairly ordinary. Someone changed their mind, a project didn't move forward, or a conversation didn't unfold the way we hoped. Yet many of us immediately move from, "this was disappointing," to, "this says something about me."

That's where business becomes so much harder than it needs to be. Because in addition to dealing with what happened, we're also carrying the stories we've created about our competence, our value, and our future.

Learning to Hold Events More Lightly

Of course, sometimes there is feedback worth paying attention to. Reflection matters, and there are moments when an experience is inviting us to ask better questions or make different decisions.

But there are also plenty of moments that have very little to do with us. People get cold feet, priorities shift, budgets change, and life moves people in directions we could never have anticipated.

Business gets considerably less exhausting when you learn to tell the difference. Because information isn't identity, and every disappointing outcome isn't a referendum on your worth. Sometimes something disappointing happened, and the most generous thing you can do for yourself is allow it to mean exactly that and nothing more.

A Question for You

Where do you notice yourself doing this most? 

Pricing? Sales conversations? Client feedback? Something else entirely?

I've found that simply noticing the pattern is often the beginning of carrying a lot less.